he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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