conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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