Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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