Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
