I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
