well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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