Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
