Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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