I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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