so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
