you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
