I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
