I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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