My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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