Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If I die, sorry about rent.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
