The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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