After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
