you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
where are you?
Hypothermia
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
