some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
