SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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