suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
