I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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