i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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