Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
