worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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