Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
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