I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
