Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
