Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
