I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
