i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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