I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Randomize
