I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
