tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Randomize
