Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
