Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
