Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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