i think i have two assholes
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
