Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
