we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
