Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
