My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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