He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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