our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
