Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
