I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
