I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
