I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
