I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
