I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
