whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
