sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
