he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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