My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
