My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
