i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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