i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
