so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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