Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
