I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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