good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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