Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
