Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize