No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
