but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Randomize
