my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
