Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
