Me too!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
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Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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