I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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