i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
