I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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