there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
